It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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