There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
