walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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