he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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