I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
