I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
