On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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