Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
