I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
