im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
