my phone needs a breathalizer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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