And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
