He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
