battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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