woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
