Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
