So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
