I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
