I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
