I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
