I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
