if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
