I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
