We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
