So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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