I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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