i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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