If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
