mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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