I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
