youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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