Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
