No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
