she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
