i jhust puked up my retainher.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
