Small penises have feelings too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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