we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There r osticjed everywhere
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
