You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
