If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
