This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
