did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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