he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
