and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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