The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
