wrigley field is MILF paradise
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
