areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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