She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
