This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
