If that was your dad, he is hot
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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