I molested 6 butterflies tonight
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
