Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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